Last night I dreamt. I dreamt about my family. I dreamt about Opa.
This morning I woke feeling hot. Munchkin had a temperature and was heating me up.
I also felt exhausted. Not physically but emotionally. It took a minute or two to remember why.
Opa died.
Tears started springing straight away. It wasn't meant to be. I would never see him again in person. I would only have photos and memories now.
I shook my head remembering he was sick. He wasn't my Opa and I had already made the decision that I wouldn't see him in person again as it was too heartbreaking and frustrating for both of us.
Why then am I so upset?
Is it because the choice to see him has been stolen from me?
Is it because it's so unexpected?
Why?
I don't know. I'm sitting here crying and not really knowing why.
I've already done this. I've already grieved for him. His mind was dead. He wasn't my Opa anymore.
Is it because of this I'm upset? Because he was sick and he deserved not to be.
Who does deserve it though? No one.
I've missed him this year. I still do.
I miss him now more than ever.
So sad. So sorry Ames.
ReplyDeleteOh Ames. I'm so sorry.
ReplyDeleteMy nana also has alzheimers and I have managed to drag myself to visit her once in the past year....spent the entire time quietly sobbing in between answering the same two or three questions over and over again.
ReplyDeleteThe thing about Alzheimers is that from the moment someone is diagnosed, it's kind of over. There is no way of beating it and eventually people lose everything....their knowledge, memories,loved ones and themselves.
Im genuinely sorry for your loss and for your Opa....Take care hey x
~Kirri