I'm scared.
I'm scared of so many things but most scared shitless of how I'm going to be a good parent to two children. How will I divide my time between them without one missing out? I'm so involved with lufflump especially around bed time that I just don't see how a newborn can fit in. Being an only child I don't have experience with siblings, I've never had to see my parents divide their time.
I'm scared I'll do it all wrong. I'm scared that lufflump will miss out and resent sesame. I'm scared that sesame will miss out and resent lufflump. A newborn takes up so much time and energy as does a toddler, I don't think I'll have enough energy for both. I'm scared that lufflump will be too rough and seriously hurt sesame.
Lufflump can only go to daycare twice a week so while two days will be helpful I would prefer he went an extra day just so he missed out on less. We were planning on having another child when he was in prep (4-5yrs old) not this soon. We always wanted him to be able to get attention and learn while my attention was at home on his newborn sibling. Of course that's out the window and I know (hope) I'll cope.
I'm not dreading sesame's arrival and how much it'll change our lives, I'm actually excited. Excited and scared. Looking through a toy catalogue is interesting as my excitement and fear arise simultaneously. I get so excited about buying sesame toys then I begin to worry that lufflump will steal them. I don't know how to deal with that. I know (hope) that I'll learn but that doesn't make it any less scary.
I told the mister I was scared and he suggested we buy (and I'm assuming read) a book about siblings and introducing your toddler to a new addition to the family. If you've read one that you recommend please tell me in the comments as I have NO idea.
I'll leave this ever so negative post with a positive; a belly shot or two.
I can so relate to feeling this way! But it's really not that bad. Riley had an adjustment period of about two weeks which was rough. She was having meltdowns all the time and was just so emotional and I could just see how raw and vulnerable she was. After that things improved really fast. Newborns sleep all the time. So there was heaps of time during the day to have special time with Riley and when Piper was having trouble going to sleep I'd just pop her in the hug-a-bub and I could go back to pushing Riley on the swing or whatever else we were doing.
ReplyDeleteAnd the bedtime routine has also been pretty easy. They bathe together, then I take Piper out and do her routine and put her into bed (all while Riley is still in the bath) and then I do Riley's bedtime routine. Sometimes there have been times when Piper hasn't been able to get to sleep and so she'll join in with Riley's storytime or I'll feed her while doing Riley's story, but mostly I don't have to do that.
I think it's been a good learning curve for Riley. It's a good time for her to learn that there are other people's needs that are also considered, not just hers.
The other day we were at the park and a friend of hers was kicking his legs near Piper and Riley stomped over to him and said 'Hey. Don't do that. That's my sister.' GOLD
I was pretty freaked out too, but I bet once you are in the middle of it, you will think how much easier it is than you imagined. Even things like taking a shower (which when Riley was a baby I struggled to do) I can easily do now because Riley can help to entertain Piper and vice versa.
It's normal to be scared I felt the same... my 2nd child is 22months old now and I look back at that pregnancy time thinking "what was I worried about"
ReplyDeleteHaving a second child was the best thing I could ever do. My 4 year old and 22month old are best of friends.
They entertain each other so I actually get more time to clean and cook and plan activities for them.... it will be a blessing!! xox
P.s I got my son a "baby" in the last trimester. He had his baby and I told him we'll be bringing home a new baby.
ReplyDeleteHe helped me set up her bed, I involved him helping to pick out some new born clothes etc.
When I brought my daughter home I made sure I I aslso had some one on one time with my son - left bub with dad in the lounge and took him outside etc.
Sorry to spam your post lol but I find this baby site helpful. Here's a link to having a second baby http://www.babycenter.com.au/pregnancy/havinganother/
ReplyDeleteI've been thinking a lot about the second child lately. Thanks for sharing this, and generating the discussion. It has given me a lot of insight :)
ReplyDeleteI could have written this post a few years ago, well except for the cute belly photos! I had the same thoughts running through my head, how on earth could I love someone else just as much as I loved my first born son. How would I manage my time between them?
ReplyDeleteMy eldest was 22mths old when our second son was born, so was still entirely dependent on us. But, he took his new brother in his stride, helped me when he could and absolutely doted on the baby all the time. We also got him a baby doll (he got to choose him at the shops) that also came with a little capsule like carrier so 'Sam' came everywhere with us. He loved him and would change/feed his baby when I did. As for me, yeah sure it was a juggle, but it just seemed to work if that makes any sense ;)
As for dividing time, i'm an only child too and you know what, i'm STILL learning now, after 4 kids! Having little 'dates' is what worked for us, and still does work. Even snatching moments in the middle of the night when they really should be asleep (oh yeah, and me too hehe) it all makes a difference in the end.
They are also teaching me how this whole sibling thing works. It has certainly been an eye opening experience having more than one child!
You will get there. Its hard to believe right now, but once Sesame is here you will sit back and wonder what on earth you did before they arrived. But also remember, that if things aren't going as smoothly as you are hoping, that that is ok too. Everyone has to readjust to the families dynamics and its ok to yell out for help!
Keep up the good 'cooking' ;)
Mandi x (@crazymumma)
My two are a day shy of two years apart. In preparation for the arrival of bub, we started talking about it about three months out from the due date. We bought a baby doll and also some books to introduce the idea. These included "We Have A Baby" by Cathryn Falwell and "There's a House Inside My Mummy" by Giles Andreae. There are a range of book ideas you can find at http://astore.amazon.com/sixsecpar039-20?_encoding=UTF8&node=81. Your local library might have some.
ReplyDeleteWe also started to ask Miss T what's in mummy's tummy on and off. She eventually started to ask me to read the books to her. I also pretended the characters in the pictures were our family to personalise it a bit more and she also started to read them (using pictures of course) on her own.
Once baby arrived, she showed initial interest and then was a bit disinterested/emotional for only a few short days. After that she was generally fine. A few things changed such as she started asking daddy to carry her more when I was carrying baby. Overall, though, she's been pretty accepting and loving of her sister, giving her hugs and kisses regularly. Bub is 6 months now and at the age where she feeds off her sister. It's great to see her laugh and smile as her big sis sings and dances around her.
There were a few additional things we did deliberately to ease the transition which were basically around keeping her routine the same. She still went to Childcare as often as before. We also put off toilet training till a little later (now) so she wasn't having to deal with that change as well as the new bub.
I hope these give you some ideas of how to prepare.
Aww I wish I'd read this before Saturday! I found going from 1-2 was a really scary anxious time. I don't think you'll be ready for the love that only a sibling can give you. Its you and your bro/sis against the parents. Someone to hide your secrets and help you out. I'm still amazed at how much our boys love each other. My 4yr old is so excited for the new baby. It might take a little while but you will find a new routine that will suit all of you, it probably won't affect him as much as you expect it will xx
ReplyDelete