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I Heart My Body 2012 #iheartmybody

Last year I wrote a post for the I Heart My Body campaign and this year I'm doing it all again. The difference? I was pregnant last year.

I find when pregnant I'm a lot kinder to my body. Flaws are overlooked because it's expected not to be a total rake or perfect when pregnant. Flabby bits, cellulite, big legs - all there helping my baby grow. When not pregnant there is no excuse for all those flaws. They no longer become anyone's friend, especially not mine.

Pregnant with sesame

Bullshit, right?

I don't think I'll ever not have cellulite. It's a fact of life for so many women and men, why can't it just be accepted? Lufflump and sesame both have cellulite too, it's not just contained to adults. I know I've had it since I was a baby.

I've also always had big legs. Not huge but out of proportion to the rest of my body. Derby has showed me to LOVE my body shape. A big ass is awesome to block with. Big legs mean more power. The girls I'm most scared of in derby have an awesome booty. AWESOME. If you are a pear shape like me, you have THE body shape for derby. If you are a cone, square, apple, ruler - you name it, you have THE body shape for derby.

Derby helps me love my body

The mister always tried to hurt me (mucking around, I'd do it to him first) by grabbing my leg just above the knee and I thought it was so cool that it didn't hurt. Little did I know the reason it didn't hurt was due to being fat. Now that my legs have muscles it hurts like a bitch when he does it. I love it.

I think what people forget is that skinny people can be fat too. Weight is just a number, what you need to look at is fat percentage. I was, and still am, skinny fat. I'm working on it and my body shows that. I feel and look better than I ever have. I have muscles and I'm proud of them. Would I like them to be bigger? Sure and they will be, but I have to work at it.

We just bought a bunch of exercise gear; boxing bag with stand, captains chair, weights and a declined bench. I'm so sore from using them and I know I'm getting stronger with each rep, each extra rep than the day before. It feels fantastic. Hardly work when you enjoy yourself.

Am I proud of my body?
I am. I'm proud of the progress I'm making.

Do I have days when I hate my body?
No, but I do have days when I shy away from mirrors. When I try on something and I cringe. When I whinge about my upper thighs and how they aren't what I want them to be, how I wish they were. I don't hate my body though, it carries me and allows me to function. My body allows me to do my favourite thing - skate.

Plow stop

Do I have days when I love my body?
Yes, I look at how toned I am and how much progress I've made and am making. There are things I love about my body; my arms, my calves and my knees (do derby and you'll either love or hate your knees). I can't wait until I love my stomach, thighs and butt and I know with hard work I will.

Hello little muscles!

Knees and calves with bruises.

What would I change about my body?
My upper thighs. I would love them to be in proportion to the rest of my body. I'm doing exercises daily to help this occur.

Mah bodah.

I know I'm fortunate to have the body I have. I'm fortunate to have a good metabolism. I'm fortunate to be able to lose weight relatively easy. I'm fortunate to not have any major health problems with my body. But if I didn't have a good metabolism, wasn't able to lose weight relatively easy or had major health problems I'd still love my body, it's the only one I have and I have three choices - accept, change or hate. Two outta three ain't bad.

What I Wore: Dreamworld

Last weekend we ventured to Dreamworld for a good friend's 30th birthday. Typical us left getting babysitters to the last minute so we took lufflump with us. I'm so glad we did, he and us had such a ball. It was hot and we spent a lot of time near water and in the shade. Lufflump loved the log and rapids rides, anything with water and that kid is sold!

As it was so hot, minimal clothing was necessary. I bought a bunch of clothes from ASOS the weeks before and the final package arrived just in time. The mister and I both wore new clothes. He wore new shoes, big mistake, never wear new shoes to Dreamworld, even my jelly's gave me blisters. It's always nice wearing shiny new clothes though.

See the baby sleeping on the bed? Only way we could get her to sleep.

I'm a bargain whore, to the point where I end up spending a lot of money on a lot of items that I don't really need. That's how they get you and I'm a sucker every time.

This dress was cheap and not something I would normally wear but I am in LOVE! It's comfortable and the only complaint I have is the stupid zipper is a bitch to get up and makes me feel fat. The cut is quite flattering though even on 'fat' days.

This pose makes my legs look skinny, right?

I'm also trying a new thing. See that awesome head thingy, it's a bandanna from CanTeen. I've always seen girls wearing them, the cool girls. I've wanted to be cool for so long but I never knew how to do it. Thanks to my derby girls I am now cool! I love it, it's so easy to do and so much fun. Plus it breaks all the rules with this outfit, adding a third pattern to the mix.

Quick photos - bag and keys are on the bed ready to grab and run. The mister and lufflump were already in the car.

The skirt is a tad see through so I wore bike pants. It also prevented flashing on rides and when the wind picked up. Comfort is always a priority for me and the bike pants added that little bit more.

Necklace is back so sesame doesn't suck on it.

We didn't take sesame so I wore hoops! I forgot how much a baby pulled at EVERYTHING including earrings. I miss my hoops so wear them at any opportunity. If the mister is holding sesame the hoops come out. Vanity.

Oh and how pink has my hair faded to! Wow.

Dress!

Dress - ASOS

Bike Pants - Target

Shoes - Jelly Beans

Bandanna - CanTeen

Gastro Anxiety

Last week I had gastro. It's doing the rounds and it's horrible. Worse than labour and that's all I'll say.

It did bring some unexpected side effects along for the journey. My anxiety went through the roof. I'm not sure if it was the tablets I took to help my stomach, the fact that it lasted longer than expected, not being able to keep zoloft down or that I was facing what causes my anxiety - not having any control over my bodily functions. Perhaps it was all the above factors. Regardless of the cause I still spent a few days in bed freaking the fuck out.

I almost cancelled flights I'd booked as I was sure I wouldn't be able to fly to and be in a new city all by myself.

I was sure I was giving up roller derby. Something I love and don't have any anxiety about was all of a sudden scaring the fuck out of me.

I convinced myself I was a bad mother, unfit to look after my babies. I questioned everything I did and was walking on eggshells. Eggshells I'd thrown thick across the metaphorical floor.

I was a mess. Thankfully I had amazing support that included the mister and my MIL. They helped more than I think they realise, looking after the children and myself. Helping with simple tasks and letting me recuperate.

A couple of days after the gastro visited I was fine. I didn't and don't think the above. Yes, I still have anxiety but it's managed to an extent. I hide away from certain social situations but I'm living. I wish I didn't have it at all, I don't think anyone with anxiety wishes it was in their life. It's horrible and I don't wish it on my worse enemy.

Vitamin D helps.

Best of the Past Week

I managed to capture the sweetest moment of my beautiful babies.

I also managed to cut a chunk out of the mister's hair. Accidentally.

Lufflump rocked this awesome hairdo courtesy of his daddy.

I rocked an Anythin' But Vanilla hair clip which lufflump broke the next day.

The kids and I went to watch NBR vs Sydney with my dad. Lufflump fell asleep during the second bout. His favourite part of the night was hi-fiveing the ladies and being an aeroplane thanks to Meg L'Mania.

The mister and I went on a lovely river skate to get to and from the movies. I fell twice on the way there and once on the way back. Battle wounds!

We also kind of adopted the neighbourhood cat. Just don't feed her smoked salmon, she'll turn up her nose.

This movie was awesome!

OMG storage porn!! 

I'm loving Sara's Fitness pins.

NBR made the cover of HAM! Jambi was one of my Wednesday night coaches. Her first bout and first cover.

YUM!!

I'm lusting after the new neon Jelly Beans. Full of awesome!

Dog Shaming. Hilarious.

Best Of The Past Week

The mister has instagram finally! His username is lordchappington!

I did three pull ups!!! Such a good feeling and I can't wait until I can do ten!

Sesame had a sick week. How does one little baby have so much snot?

She's also on the move. Not quite crawling but so close!

Personal space? Not when you're a mummy. 

Every day should include potato gems in gravy.

These girls (Anastasiya and Valeria) have over a hundred thousand fans. Amazing makeup but wow...

Sesame needs this shirt. She has no choice really.

Clueless reunion! Where's Paul Rudd though, he's delicious? Stacey Dash - what a hot mama.

Must have.

Loving this for Halloween? Or everyday?

Amazing roller derby wedding photos! I'm so in love.

Oh wow I want these. Today. No, yesterday! I love this article featuring them on Offbeat Home.

Most gorgeous!

#OperationMOVE Final Week

Well I failed September of #OperationMOVE. It was a hard month and I really wasn't consistent with my training thanks to illness, the mister's surgery and the QLD roller derby tournament. 
October should be much better although I've already missed one night of training due to sesame being sick. I'm being a tad lazy with my exercise, again. I'll get back onto it though. In fact, I have big plans today.
I've decided that minutes aren't what counts to me anymore but rather effort. The old quality over quantity. I'm choosing fifteen minutes of torture over an hour of comfortable moving. An hour of torture would be great but I don't have the stamina. Yet. October will be my fitness torture month. 
Let's get moving fast, hard and sweaty.